No one would see her tears
by karen2001
Summary: Set Post Cops and Robbers. Alexis gets a bit angsty after the hostage crisis. Summary will get better as the story progresses :  Caskett of course


Set post Cops and Robbers, takes off right at the end when Castle is counting the times he has saved Beckett's life

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle or the characters. I just take them out to play sometimes

If you feel a desire to beta these, pretty please let me know.

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><p>'The second time, I had to brave the hellish flames to pull you out of your bathtub – Won't be forgetting that anytime soon' Castle grinned at his mother as he feltBeckett's eye roll behind him. "Third was that time when I …"<p>

'What are you guys talking about' – Alexis interrupted

Kate glanced over and saw the same look that Alexis had had outside the bank that morning. Fear and anger wrestled for dominance over her face. Shit. Now was probably not the best time to recall all the times that she and Castle had come close to not making it.

'It's nothing Alexis, just your father being his usual imaginative self – I don't know how you put up with him!' she replied with a strained smile, trying to change the focus of the conversation. Of course, Castle would pick this one time _not _to be easily distracted.

'Don't let the good detective mislead you pumpkin,' he said, switching his amused gaze from his mother to Kate. 'I was explaining how your brave and heroic father still has the lead in the" who saved whose life more" contest, though at 8-9, Detective Beckett is getting pretty close.' He finally glanced over at his daughter, and if the situation was at all different, Kate would have had to bite down on her lip to stifle a grin as she watched Castles face change from pride to confusion to retreat! in a few seconds. As it was she could only flinch as Alexis let out a startled gasp and then fixed a similar glare from this morning on to Kate.

'You've saved my father's life 8 times, and he's risked his to save yours 9 times. Is that right Detective Beckett? '

The entire table went silent as they sensed the same anger from Alexis that Kate had seen that morning. Kate glanced over to Castle, but he was staring at this daughter like she had grown a new head. So then the outburst was very out of character for Alexis. Kate had suspected so, but seeing the shock on Martha's face as well confirmed it. Since neither of the two were jumping in to pacify Alexis, it seemed that Kate was going to have to answer the question.

Looking back at the angry face, Kate replied simply 'I don't know about that count of his Alexis, but yes, your father has saved my life a few times. And vice versa.' The mood that Alexis was in, she didn't think hedging was a good idea. Alexis' face grew even redder, and Kate could almost hear the grinding teeth. Finally Alexis broke the stare and looked towards her father. 'May I be excused' she said, the sound of blunted tears in her voice, already pushing her chair violently back from her table.

'Pumpkin…' Castle began, but Alexis was already gone, running up the stairs. He moved to get up, but Martha lay a hand on his. 'Give her a few minutes Richard. And let's find out what happened this morning while we were being held.'

Both pairs of eyes swiveled towards her, and Kate sighed internally. She had hoped to avoid discussing this with Castle, or at least postpone it till emotions were not running so close to the surface, but as the saying went, there's no time like the present.

'Alexis showed up at the bank about 30 minutes after I got there. She knew that you had an appointment there and she heard the story on the news. She was scared, obviously and she may have gotten a bit angry because of it. Completely normal' she assured Castle, as she saw him frown and open his mouth to apologize on behalf of his daughter.

'Castle, her whole world was inside that bank, and she was scared. It's perfectly normal to lash out when you are frightened'. Internally, she was suddenly glad that Castle was so worried about Alexis that he didn't fully hear the undertones behind that statement. It was so ironic – didn't she herself lash out at Castle when she was scared? Scared he was getting to close, scared she was letting him in too far, scared for so many reasons she didn't want to admit to herself.

'And I don't think our debate about how many times we've come close to dying helping tonight' she said with a roll of her eyes. She didn't blame him exactly. She just wanted to point out how never thinking before he spoke could have undesired consequences.

She immediately regretted it out when his eyes filled with pain and guilt. He shrugged his hand out from underneath his mothers and stood up. 'I should go talk to her – she's had a rough day, what with the bank, and Ashley and now my big mouth' he said as he looked at the staircase frowning. Turning to look at Kate, he continued 'You stay and finish dinner; I'll be back in a bit'. With that he took off purposefully for the stairs.

Kate waited until he had disappeared from view and then popped up from the table herself. 'I'm so sorry about this Martha. I know that this is not how you wanted the night to go'

'Don't worry about it darling,' Martha said with an understanding lilt to her voice. 'As you probably know from hanging around my son so much, with Richard, things very seldom go according to plan.' Her fond smile as she mentioned Castle took the sting out of her words. 'Won't you stay for dinner anyway Detective?'

'No. No, im sorry, but I really should be getting home. And in case Alexis comes back down I want her to feel comfortable. So I should go. Please thank Castle for inviting me over. Good night' Kate said as she walked towards the door, Martha trailing after her with a glass of wine dangling from her fingers.

'Well, Richard will be disappointed, but if you're sure, then I guess we will see you another night' Martha said gracefully.

Kate highly doubted that would be anytime in the near future, but she nodded gracefully. 'Good night Martha. Sleep well' she said as she walked out.

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><p>Kate let herself into her silent apartment, shoulders slumped. What a day. Her emotions felt like they were on a rollercoaster ride, and she didn't know how to get off. Right from the start that morning, from Castle's 'tell me that you need me', to the sound of the bank robbery echoing through the phone earpiece, the hostage negotiations, the conversation with Alexis, those horrible few minutes after the explosion till she found Castle, and now the fiasco at dinner. She was just so tired.<p>

She jumped as her phone rang shrilly in the silence. Castle, she sighed, looking at his face on her caller id display. She muted the sound on her phone and walked into her bedroom, shedding clothes along the way. Normally her almost OCD sense of neatness would be rebelling at her, but right now, she was just so god dammed tired. She started the shower, waited till it was almost too hot and stepped underneath. She just needed to make everything stop, she needed to forget.

Nearly an hour later, the water started to cool off, so she gathered herself and stepped out, shivering as the moisture on her body cooled and set off goose bumps running down her frame. She quickly toweled off, threw on and old and well worn T shirt and slipped under the cool sheets. Once again her thoughts were dominated by the event of the day – by the echo of the explosion as she sat in the truck and the paralyzing fear that it provoked. If there was anything that today had taught her, it was that it was no use. No use to deny that she cared about Castle, a lot more than she should. No use to wall herself off from those feelings in order to protect herself from hurt – if castle had died today, her breath shuddered out, if he had died, she didn't think it could hurt anymore just because she had not told him. If anything, it would hurt more. More, because he would never know, because she would never see the look in his eyes when she told him, when she kissed him.

It was time. He was alive, she was alive, and even if there was a goddamned wall, starting tomorrow she was going to tear it down.

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><p>The next morning, she rolled over the second her alarm went off and switched it off. She had been awake for the past few hours. Staying awake, no matter no tired it was going to make her today, was preferable to the nightmares that had consumed her every time she shut her eyes. Running into the bank and seeing his body splayed out on the floor, having to come out and tell Alexis that she had broken her promise – God! If she never dreamt again, it would be too soon. She tiredly hoisted herself out of bed and walked over to her phone. 2 more missed calls from Castle, and … a text from Alexis. At 4 in the morning. It looked like she wasn't the only one having sleeping problems. Stifling an exhausted yawn, she swiped over the message to read it.<p>

'Detective Beckett, sorry this is so early, but I really need to speak with you urgently. Can I come by your apartment in the morning? This is Alexis.'

Kate sighed, hoping that Alexis was not feeling guilty about last night. She figured that if the kid was that desperate to make amends, the least she could do was let her get it off her chest.

'Sure. Come on over if you want. I leave for work in a couple of hours, but I'll be here till 8' she texted back, then though for a second and sent another text with her address in case Castle wasn't awake yet. Which he probably wasn't she thought with a small smile. She had often woken Castle up at 8 or 9 in the morning with a phone call, and those were almost her favorite times to call him, not only because she got to wake him up - which was entertainment enough - but if she stopped denying it for a moment, it was because she got to hear Castle's voice before he was fully awake, deep and warm and sleepy. Her smile grew and softened before she caught herself with a wry shake of her head. 'Focus Beckett' she thought. If all went well in the next few weeks, maybe she would be able to get up close and personal with that voice.

About 30 minutes later, just after she had finished a yoga routine, Kate heard a loud knock on the door. Raising an eyebrow at the tone of knuckles striking wood so hard, she strode over to the door and looked out to see Alexis, dressed for school, standing too straight with a mutinous look on her face. Whatever this was, it didn't look like an apology. Telling herself to keep calm, Kate too in a deep breath and opened the door.

'Hey Alexis, come on in' she called cheerily, choosing to see where this conversation was going before getting defensive. 'Have you had breakfast yet? I have fruit or yoghurt or cereal if you would like something?'

'No thank you detective' Alexis said, standing stiffly by the door.

'Let's grab a seat then, and you can tell me what was so urgent ok?' Kate said gently, sensing the nervous tension in Alexis. With a hand at the girls shoulder, she steered her towards the couch, then took a seat opposite. 'Now, what was so important?' she asked with a smile.

'I need to ask you something?' Alexis made eye contact with her for a split second, and then her gaze darted back to the floor.

'Anything Alexis. What can I do?'

Alexis took a deep breath in and it all came out in a rush. A request she must have been thinking about the whole night, a heartfelt plea from a daughter. A request that just about broke Kate's heart.

'I need you to promise to stay away from my dad'

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><p>AN: So now you know where this is going. Hopefully.<p>

Pretty please review, I haven't written anything in awhile, and I love hearing from you. It also inspires me to write more - ;)


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